just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
