There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
