Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
