watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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