update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
