Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
