once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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