atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
