I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
