"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
