first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
