This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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