If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
