someone threw a dead crab at me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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