Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
