"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
