Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
