But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
