when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
