You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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