Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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