Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
