i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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