Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
