No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
