You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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