used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
