Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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