Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
