Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i was born a porn star she said
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
