it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
