Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
