HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
