I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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