oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
