I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
