I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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