Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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