Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
