One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
