they need to just BURY HIM!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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