Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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