mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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