so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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