Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
