What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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