I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
