I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
