i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
