i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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