do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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