what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
