If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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