i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
