I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
