I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
