just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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