I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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